Flying with Charlotte

Wow! It has been over a month since I last posted. We have been living out of suitcases for the past month, and are back getting settled in England now. My in-laws are in town for about 5 more days, after which I plan on writing updates on our travels :) But for now, I had a few requests to write about flying with a baby.

Charlotte has been on 21 flights in her 16 months! We travelled with her when she was 2 months old (St Louis to/from Boston - nonstop), 7 months old (St Louis to/from Baltimore - nonstop), 10 months (St Louis to/from Jacksonville via Dallas), 12 months (St Louis to/from Boston; St Louis to London via Newark), 15 months (London to St Louis via Detroit & Atlanta), 16 months (St Louis to/from Manchester via Detroit; St Louis to London via Atlanta). Experience definitely does not predict her behavior on the airplanes, but I can speak to a few of the things that have helped us out.

Before we flew with her for the first time, I was really nervous. I perused Pinterest for ideas but found the best advice from Meg Collins (of the Lucie's List website) in her Kindle ebook Flying with Baby. (Only $2.99 currently. Worth it.) As with everything baby, all advice is with a whole handful of salt, because (didn't you know?) every baby is different!

With that said, here's a synopsis of what I do and what I've learned when flying with Charlotte. I had a lot to say, it's not amazingly organized but hopefully it's somewhat helpful.

The Lap Child Dilemma/Car Seats

American domestic flights allow children up to the age of 2 to fly as a "lap child," meaning the child will not have his/her own seat and will likely sit on your lap. It saves you the heavy cost of having to buy another plane ticket. I read that some airlines offer a special child fare, but that it is really not any cheaper and is often more expensive that whatever deal you may have found for your adult ticket.

Here's the thing -- for my child, having her as a lap child got significantly harder once she was about 12 months old. She is a squirmy spider monkey in that small space, and in the airplane environment, she seems to sprout 6 additional limbs with which to yank on the lap tray, touch the passenger's hair/elbow in front of you, kick you or your neighbor. This leaves your child with 10 limbs and you have only 2 arms to stop her from said activities. Exhausting! If you can afford it, I would recommend an individual seat for baby once they are over the age of 12 months.

IMPORTANT: If you are flying with a lap child, and make reservations online, make sure you call the airline ahead of your flight to get the infant's name put on as a lap child under your ticket. I always travel with a copy of C's birth certificate as well -- haven't yet been asked for it, but they can ask you to verify her age that way. When you get your boarding passes, make SURE that there is something written on your pass about having a lap child (whether her name is on it or not) -- I heard a horror story about someone getting to the front of the security checkpoint with their baby, just to be turned back to the check-in desk!! No thank you.

If you can't afford an individual seat, I recommend flying Southwest whenever possible! Since they let you pick your own seats, and you get to board first with a kid (bonus! do this whenever possible!), you have a higher likelihood of getting an extra seat. It's rare for someone to choose to sit next to a baby if there are other options available (although this did happen on one of my flights with a baby-crazed teenager). For one of our first flights with Charlotte, we asked the employee at the Southwest counter if there would be any extra seats on the airplane. There was, and they let us bring our infant seat on the airplane and use it in the spare seat in the row we picked for her.

Once your child is a squirmy monkey, if you do decide to purchase a seat (as we did for our transatlantic flights), you still have to decide if you want to bring your carseat on board. If you do -- know that it is large and will take up all the space... so if your child ends up not wanting the be in their carseat, guess where they will be... on your lap anyway! Without the car seat, C was free to sit/stand/scoot/squirm in her own space, but she DID have trouble getting comfortable enough to fall asleep in that awkward space. (So do I, kid.)

IMPORTANT: Double check what your airline's policy is about bringing your specific carseat on board. The infant seats don't appear to be a big problem, but we have run into some major frustrations with inconsistencies in which airlines will allow which convertible carseats. Even though our Britax carseat has an airplane sticker on it, saying it's approved for flight, the airlines don't go by that. In particular, European-based flights and flight crews generally do not want to allow a US spec carseat on board. On our flights from the US to England, United grudgingly allowed us to bring the carseat on, but Virgin Atlantic did not. Virgin Atlantic offered us their approved child seat to use -- Charlotte hated it and we ended up asking the flight attendants to remove it halfway through the flight because she could not get comfortable in it. My advice -- if you are going to be flying a red-eye, try to bring your carseat if your child likes to sleep in it in the car. Then she (and you) may be able to get some sleep.

For flights when we didn't bring the carseat on board, we purchased a bright red nylon drawstring bag from BuyBuy Baby that says "GATE CHECK" on the outside of it and a place to write your name in Sharpie. It's a little expensive for what it is ($17.99) but it has worked well for us. The drawstring did break after the first 15 flights but we restrung it with new nylon cord and it's good as new. This helps to protect the carseat from the grime of the baggage claim process and makes it easy to spot at baggage claim. Sometimes the carseats come out at an oversized luggage area, so don't panic if you don't see it at the regular bag carousel. If you aren't sure if you'll use your infant seat on the plane or not, you can always take it through security (goes through the scanner on the belt) and then gate check it if there won't be enough space on the plane.

To stop or to non-stop

I think your decision to stop or non-stop (if it is even a decision at all) depends on how old your child is. So far, I have found I prefer non-stops if they are 3 hours or less -- only have to deal with the ear-popping going up and down one time, and it's a faster travel time overall. Plus, if they do get to sleep, you have a longer nap window on the airplane. Nothing more sad than working all flight to get your baby to sleep, then have her fall asleep as the plane literally touches back down onto solid earth... happened twice this past trip.

That said, Charlotte is starting to get to the age where running around the airport during a layover helps to get some energy out and helps her to relax and sleep on the plane. Some airports have play areas, so depending on how germaphobic you are, that's always an option. (More on germs later.) Layovers that allow you to get some (expensive but fresh) food, as well as get some energy out, aren't a bad idea with toddlers.

Packing

Gone are the days of carry-on luggage. You should plan on checking a bag -- not only do you have more stuff to bring, but you don't want to have to lug a suitcase around the airport along with baby and diaper bag, etc. Again -- Southwest's bags fly free so this is a huge plus. Also, all airlines that we have encountered will put strollers, carseats under the plane for free -- so don't calculate that into your fees at this time.

As for the big items, so much depends on where you are going! If you are going to be traveling to a grandparent's house, and it's a frequently visited location for your family, you may want to gently suggest they purchase an inexpensive pack-n-play so you don't have to bring a portable crib with you. Same goes for a high chair/booster seat. My parents have several friends who are grandparents as well, and that's been a great borrowing resource for them, for the necessary baby items as well as for some toys! I usually bring my own pack-n-play sheet and light blanket, since they can make a new environment seem more like home for the little one. It also can't hurt to bring a little nightlight (or borrow one) to make a new sleeping space less scary when they wake up.

If you are going to be visiting family, ask them to buy a pack of diapers and wipes for when you arrive. You SHOULD pack more diapers and wipes than you think you'll need -- I was desperate for diapers when we had a cancelled flight and had to stay overnight in Detroit last month. And they were going to cost $6.99 for 2 diapers and 5 wipes at the airport.

If you'll be at a hotel, most will provide a portable crib for you. We've found these to be perfectly acceptable and C has adapted well to them when needed. You can ask for a high chair too -- depending on where you're staying, they may have one available for free or for rental.

In your carry-on bags, here is what I would consider essential: diapers and wipes (at least twice the amount you would typically need in the travel window) with a travel changing pad, a change of clothes for baby, small pack of WetWipes (antibacterial kind), phone/charger, burp cloth (even once your baby doesn't need burping... she might spill your drink at some point), and something for baby to suck on to help with changing pressure (pacifier, sippy cup). Other options, depending on your child's age/spit-up tendencies, include a change of shirt for you, little books or toys, snacks, iPad, child sized headphones. I haven't yet had the opportunity to read my own book on an airplane with Charlotte -- whether she's awake or asleep in my arms, I didn't have enough hands to do anything besides stare out the window! So you may want to adjust your expectations accordingly. I usually just have a small zippered pouch in the diaper bag that has my wallet/passport, gum, sunglasses, and anything else absolutely essential.

I would recommend wearing a lightweight dark colored scarf. You can use it as a nursing cover (hence the dark color to provide more privacy) if you are breast-feeding, and also it can double as a light blanket for baby if the plane is chilly.

For a little baby, I would bring a couple of small toys to provide brief entertainment/distraction should they start wailing. Once you have a toddler, I would recommend going to the dollar store before flying -- get some new-to-them, inexpensive activities to hold their attention. I considered it a success if I had an item that entertained C for 10-15 minutes. She is at an age where she loves putting things in/out of containers, and the most popular items on our last trip were (1)  Q-tips in/out of an old plastic spice jar and (2) pom poms in/out of a zipper pouch and an empty wipes container. A sweet flight attendant also captured her attention with 3 plastic drink cups and 1 single ice cube when C was 10 months old. It truly entertained her for over a half hour.

We also got her a set of small adult headphones (over ear, not earbud) to let her play a couple of baby games on our phones, but she mostly wanted to play with taking the headphones on/off. We don't usually let her play on the phones much, but as our pediatrician said, "Plane flights are not the times to stick to your guns about limiting screen time. Whatever it takes to keep her calm." She also likes looking at pictures/videos of herself on the phone, which is a good distraction too.

Good snacks for us included fruit/veggie pouches, string cheese, Goldfish, and animal crackers. Nothing overly crumbly is best, although granola bars are a good bet as well. C also loves Delta's cookies and mini-pretzels... again, not things we would normally give her, but desperate times!

Navigating the airport

You will have a lot of stuff with you when you arrive at the airport. If you can, have someone park and walk into the airport with you to check in/drop off luggage to help with all the gear. Check your suitcases and the car seat (in a bag if you so desire) at the check-in. Depending on your child's age, either (for a little one) check the regular stroller here and put your child in a carrying sling like an Ergo, or (once your child is big enough to use it) get a decently sturdy umbrella stroller to bring through the airport -- it's so worth it! I usually hang the diaper bag on the back of the stroller once C is in the stroller, then I'm relatively hands-free for pushing through the airport.

At security, you will need to get baby out of the stroller and collapse the stroller. This is why using a sling for a little baby is so nice -- you can just carry baby through the metal detector in the carrier. They won't make you go through the body scanner with baby. They will just swab your hands to check for any weird chemicals. I would say once your child can stand reliably, just bring the umbrella stroller... then you can quickly collapse the stroller and put it on the belt while they stand next to you.  Then you carry baby through and they (again) will check your hands. If you have milk or baby food, just take it out of your diaper bag so they can check it -- they might test the outside of the containers with a swab but TSA is pretty good about baby items like that. I don't think they care about the 4 oz rule for liquids with baby items.

Once I get to the gate, I request gate-check tags for the stroller (and carseat if needed) so I won't gum up the line during the boarding process. I also ask if they will be pre-boarding families, and what words they use to announce this! (We have missed pre-boarding a couple times because they didn't specifically ask for families, so I like to double check.) Then we are free to roam around until boarding. I usually try to change C's diaper about 10-15 minutes prior to boarding so the chance of requiring a diaper change on board is minimized. I also try to find an area where it's not too crowded -- often across the terminal where I could still hear announcements if needed -- where she can look out the window and run around a little bit without disturbing as many people. I try not to use the airplane "toys" at this time because I'd rather save them for the less interesting airplane.

You might also want to get yourself a bottle drink (with a twist cap) to take on the plane. If you have a lap child, it's nearly impossible to get the lap tray down whether baby is awake or asleep. If you do manage to get it down, you will be playing drink defense until you finally gulp it down just to be done with it. Not a bad idea to have a bottle of your beverage of choice tucked into the seat back instead.

[Speaking of drinks, I read some advice that some parents have a beer or glass of wine pre-flight. I have not felt like that was necessary for me, but the idea is that if it helps you calm down and relax, your child will feel more calm and relax as well. They can feed off your stress level, for sure! If they do start crying, try to keep calm and hopefully it won't last as long. It is way easier said than done.]

When you go through the boarding process, make sure you know where to drop off your stroller and/or carseat. It's typically at the very bottom of the jet bridge, so I usually leave C in the stroller until we get down to the drop off point.

Airplane time

If you have the option to choose your own seats (i.e. Southwest), I would recommend sitting toward the very back of the plane. I read somewhere that people who are more "chill" tend to sit toward the back of planes... they aren't going to be as stressed as those people who purposefully sit at the very front of the plane so they can run off as soon as you land again. You aren't going to be running off the plane either -- so sit in the back and just relax. Be the last ones off the plane so you can take your time. I used to be a front-of-the-plane sitter so this is weird for me too. Also, consider sitting near other families. There is a sense of "safety in numbers" that when your kid is crying, most other people on the plane won't know whose kid it is :) Also, those parents are going to be way more compassionate than non-parents might be should you have a terrible flight with baby. Charlotte also loves watching other kids, so it's a source of entertainment.

If you aren't flying Southwest, and you'll be on a particularly long flight, it may be well worth it to pay a fee to get your seats chosen ahead of time. On our most recent flight from Atlanta to London, we did not get to choose our seats and we ended up being right next to the bathroom on the middle of the airplane. ALL night long the door opened (bright light!), slammed shut (dark again!), flushed, opened (bright light!), and slammed shut again. Not exactly good sleeping conditions and I ended up having to build a makeshift tent with the airplane blankets to make a darker space for C to sleep... and she only slept about 2 hours of the 8 hour flight. So! I'd choose window seats toward the back of the plane, but not too close to the bathrooms.

Wet wipes can come in handy to wipe off any and all surfaces you'd be concerned about on the airplane. I was more worried about this when C was a little baby, but it's a real concern as sick people fly all the time.

Random advice -- avoid showing your toddler how to open/close the window shade or turn on/off the lights... they will try to do it all flight.  Annoying. (I luckily saw another parent do this so didn't have to learn it the hard way.)

If you do have to change a diaper, there is usually one airplane bathroom (if not more than one) that has a fold down changing table over the toilet. It's NOT EASY because you know how small those rooms are, so if you can avoid it, just wait until you land. But there are such things as up-the-back-poop-explosions just as you are about to start taxiing and you have to wait until you are at cruising altitude OMG [Not that I would know, ahem] and you just have to change baby! Check with the flight attendants about which bathroom to use, and where they would like you to put the used diaper. One crew was adamant that I bring it back out to them in a plastic bag, and one crew was adamant that I just put it in the trash in the bathroom. So just check.

What you will read most often is to try to nurse/give a bottle to baby as you ascend and again during initial descent. The sucking/swallowing will help them to avoid the painful ear popping that can result in some serious screaming. I typically breastfed Charlotte during ascent (this also helped her to sleep through much of the flight when she was littler) and then again if she was awake during descent. If you are in a window seat, you have a bit more space and privacy for nursing. However -- I would NOT recommend waking your baby up if they are sleeping during descent to suck; they will wake up if they are in pain and then you can use breast or bottle. Also -- we had at least one flight when C was getting hungry before we were ready to take off, and rather than letting her cry until take-off to help her ears, I just went ahead and fed her at that point. Her ears have done just fine on all but 2 of the flights we have taken. Now that she's older, I used a sippy cup for her (I kept it empty through security, then filled it with water at a fountain) and tried to get her to take a sip whenever I felt like my ears needed to pop. She's hit or miss whether she'll actually take a sip, but again -- her ears seemed to do fine either way.

Dealing with jet lag

If you are traveling across multiple time zones, you will probably deal with a bit of jet lag. In our experience, it's best just to let the naps happen across the day. When we travelled to England, the issue was that she thought bedtime was just an afternoon nap (she woke up around 10 pm ready to party), and when we travelled to the US, she thought her afternoon nap was bedtime. I did wake her up from her afternoon naps in the US (not an easy feat) to encourage a more normal bedtime. I felt like she acclimated within 3-4 days each time and it wasn't too awful. I've read that you should try to get out in the sunshine during the day as soon as you can, for as long as is reasonable, at the new location to help reset your body's internal clock. We haven't totally abided by that but we do try to avoid excessive sleep on the day you arrive in the new place.

Ok wow that was a lot of information! Please feel free to email with any questions you have and I can give you my two cents.